12 Pelukan Sehari, Dijamin Tak Sakit-Sakitan Lagi .... ! ! !
"Untuk bertahan hidup, kita membutuhkan 4 pelukan sehari. Untuk
kesehatan, kita butuh 8 pelukan perhari. Untuk pertumbuhan, awet
muda, kebahagiaan, kita perlu 12 pelukan perhari," kata Virginia
Satir, terapis keluarga.
Mungkin, Anda sedikit heran, benarkah pelukan memiliki kekuatan
yang begitu hebat, hingga bisa membuat sehat, panjang umur, dan awet
muda?
Kapan terakhir kali Anda memeluk seseorang atau seseorang memeluk
Anda? Jika jawabannya jarang atau bahkan tidak pernah sama sekali,
coba ingat-ingat, apa yang belakangan ini Anda rasakan? Bisa jadi
Anda sering sakit-sakitan, depresi, stres, sakit kepala, dan
emosional.
Berbagai penelitian menunjukkan terapi pelukan bisa menyembuhkan
penyakit fisik dan psikis. Bisa mengatasi stres, depresi dan lain-
lain. Orang yang dipeluk, ataupun memeluk, merasakan adanya
kekuatan cinta yang meng elilingi mereka. Kekuatan ini yang membuat
kekebalan tubuh kita semakin meningkat.
Pelukan Damai
Saat berpelukan, tubuh melepaskan oxytocin , hormon yang berhubungan
dengan perasaan damai dan cinta. Hormon oxytocin ini membuat
jantung dan pikiran sehat. Hormon oxytocin ini baru bisa keluar
jika manusia memiliki kehidupan sehat, merasa damai dan tentram.
Terapi pelukan hampir sama dengan terapi jalan kaki. Terapi
pelukan meningkatkan keseimbangan tubuh, kesehatan, dan mengurangi
tingkat stres, khususnya para profesional muda yang bekerja di kota
metropolitan.
Pelukan bukan berarti Anda harus mencari suami atau kekasih untuk
melakukan hal ini. Pelukan dapat dilakukan pada siapa saja dengan
penuh kasih dan damai. Tentu saja pelukan ini bukan berkonotasi
negatif apalagi mengikutsertakan gairah.
Pelukan ini juga bukan `pelukan sosial', seperti berjabat tangan,
mencium pipi kiri dan kanan, seperti yang dilakukan oleh budaya
masyarakat beberapa negara pada saat pesta atau pertama kali
bertemu.
Pelukan yang dimaksud adalah pelukan saling menyentuh, tubuh dengan
tubuh saling mengikat dan menyentuh. Ketika saling berpelukan, akan
terasa perasaan nyaman dan damai.
Di Indonesia juga beberapa negara lainnya berpelukan hanya dilakukan
pada pasangan suami istri, saudara, orang tua ke anaknya. Di
Amerika sebuah lembaga ada yang mengkoordinir untuk mengadakan
Free Hug di jalanan. Jangan kaget jika suatu hari, saat Anda
berkunjung ke Amerika dan Eropa, melihat beberapa orang dengan
papan besar di dada, bertuliskan Free Hug. Mereka adalah para
relawan yang memberikan terapi pelukan pada setiap orang yang
membutuhkan.
Anak Tumbuh Sehat
"Tapi, kita harus ingat. Walau sekadar jabat tangan dan menyentuh
pipi dengan pipi, ini juga ada manfaatnya. Ada rasa kehangatan
ketika kita saling berjabat tangan. Namun bila ini dilakukan
lebih dari ini, yaitu dengan pelukan erat. Tentu lebih bermanfaat,
unsur terapinya lebih tinggi," ujar Dr. Bhagat, salah satu doktor
yang meneliti pengaruh pelukan di India .
Diharapkan masyarakat mengerti akan manfaat sentuhan dan pelukan.
Sehingga pasangan suami istri, semakin sering berpelukan dan
bersentuhan. Juga makin sering memeluk anak-anaknya.
Seluruh bagian di kulit kita memiliki organ perasa. Dari ujung
kaki hingga kepala adalah area yang sensitif bila disentuh. Bahkan
ketika bayi masih di dalam kandungan walau dilindungi air
ketuban, ia sangat menyukai sentuhan kasih sayang dari ke dua
orang tuanya. Jika sering disentuh, bayi dalam kandungan akan
tumbuh menjadi bayi yang sehat dengan pertumbuhan yang bagus.
Selain itu secara psikis bayi akan tumbuh menjadi seorang yang
penyayang.
Anak-anak yang sering disentuh, dibelai dan dipeluk oleh orang
tuanya juga akan tumbuh menjadi anak yang sehat. Mereka akan merasa
nyaman dan memiliki kepercayaan diri. Pertumbuhan dan kesehatan pun
lebih bagus dibanding dengan anak-anak yang jarang disentuh,
dibelai dan dipeluk.
Pada orang tua pun, sentuhan dan pelukan sangat berarti. Apalagi
pada saat kehilangan seseorang, depresi, stres. Dengan
berpelukan, orang dewasa merasa ada orang yang memperhatikan, ada
orang yang mencintainya, membutuhkannya. Seluruh kulit kita, sangat
peka dengan pelukan, dan sangat membutuhkan sentuhan hangat dan
erat.
Transformasi Rasa Nyaman
Seorang master reiki di Mumbai , India , berkata," pelukan salah
satu alat untuk bertransformasi. Dengan pelukan satu pribadi dengan
pribadi lain semakin dekat. Jika hubungan Anda dengan orang lain
renggang. Salah satu cara agar hubungan itu menghangat dengan
memeluknya. Jika rumah tangga Anda diambang kehancuran, cobalah
memeluk pasangan Anda 20 kali sehari. Saya yakin Anda berdua tak
akan bercerai. Selain itu, hidup Anda berdua akan lebih bahagia,
sehat, dan awet muda. Serta Anda akan terhindar dari stress dan
depresi."
Dr. Harold Voth, senior psikiater di Kansas, Amerika Serikat telah
melakukan riset dengan beberapa ratus orang. Hasilnya, mereka yang
berpelukan mampu mengusir depresi, meningkatkan kekebalan tubuh,
awet muda, tidur lebih nyenyak, lebih sehat.
Jika Bayi atau anak-anak rewel atau sakit. Jangan biarkan mereka
sendirian. Peluklah. Dengan memeluk, mereka akan merasa nyaman.
Sehingga kekebalan tubuhnya lebih baik, dan kesehatan mereka pun
akan jauh lebih baik. Anda sebagai orang tua pun mendapatkan efek
baik dari terapi pelukan ini. Anda akan jauh lebih sehat, muda,
terbebas dari depresi. Pelukan dapat menyembukan sakit fisik dan
psikis. Sentuhan yang dihasilkan dari pelukan membantu mengurangi
rasa sakit.
Beberapa penyakit parah sering kali membuat penderitanya merasa
prustasi, marah, tak mungkin penyakitnya bisa disembuhkan. Dengan
pelukan, pasien yang prustasi ini merasa nyaman. Pelukan memberikan
energi positif pada emosi pasien. Sehingga mengubah emosi
negatifnya menjadi emosi positif. Apalagi bila pasien mendapatkan
pelukan dari orang yang dicintainya. Bukankah cinta itu adalah
kekuatan yang maha dahsyat, dan pelukan adalah salah satu cara untuk
menyatakan cinta, atau suatu bentuk cinta.
sumber: cianjur-online.com
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Writing as a Form of Therapy
Writing as a Form of Therapy - Keeping a Journal
Another Path to Self Healing
By Phylameana lila Desy, About.com
Diaries and journals are written for a variety of different reasons. Historically, journal entries were intended to serve as written records. It is much easier to track a past event if you have a written record of your appointments and activities. Trial lawyers love clients and witnesses who keep journals and datebooks because it frees them of hours/days of investigation. Where were you on September 15, 1999? A diary could come in handy, huh?
Writing as a Form of Therapy
Writing down your thoughts and feelings is a therapeutic activity. Paper and pen are the tools for your creative expression, joys and sorrows alike. Journaling can be a healing process to help you get in touch with your deepest yearnings, find resolve for problems, and deal with personal issues. Whatever type of painful emotion you are experiencing (grief, sadness, fear, isolation, etc.) expressing yourself in writing can help ease your discomfort.
Writing Exercise Drains Brain of Mindless Clutter
Getting words down on paper can help clear your head of thoughts and ideas that are creating a mental swirl of confusion. Something as simple as keeping a grocery list can help free up the activity center of your brain, making room for clearer thinking.
Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, suggests a writing exercise she calls THE MORNING PAPERS. Take three sheets of paper each day and with pen or pencil just start writing. This process is intended to allow a "stream-of-consciousness." It doesn't matter what words or phrases you write down. It doesn't matter if your sentence structure or grammar is poor. Nevermind misspellings. IT DOESN'T MATTER! THE MORNING PAPERS, unlike journals are not for keeping... they are not to be read at all. After you've finished the writing exercise feed your papers directly into the paper shredder or toss them inside the recycle bin. The purpose of doing this exercise is to clear your brain of mindless clutter and discharge any emotional baggage connected to useless or negative thoughts, or in Julia's words, it is a "brain-drain" activity.
In her creativity workshops, Julia teaches how we block our creative selves by not releasing our anger, our worries, our criticisms, etc. Things that block our creative juices flowing to the surface need an outlet. Writing can be a used as a venting tool to rid yourself of negative thinking.
Five Types of Journals
• Daily Diary - Writing a daily journal is one way to balance your emotional ups and downs. It is also an excellent way to communicate with your inner self.
• Gratitude Journal - Express your joy and happiness by keeping a gratitude journal. Make a note of everything, no matter how small or how big, that gives you joy or brings you happiness. It is always beneficial to focus on the positives, but it is especially healing during the bumpy times to be able to turn to a book filled with positivity and gratitude in your own handwriting.
• Dream Diary - Scenarios and symbology experienced during slumber have special meanings. Record your dreams first thing in the morning while they are still fresh in your mind. Self analysis will come later when you have the time to explore the scribblings in your dream diary.
• Travel Log - Jotting down your vacation highlights as you experience new places and different cultures will keep these special adventures alive forever.
• Memories Journal - Writing down stories about your childhood makes for a good keepsake to pass down to your children, grandchildren, and to be cherished by generations to come. While you're at it, write down the stories told to you by your parents and grandparents. So many stories, so little time. Write them down before they are lost forever.
Another Path to Self Healing
By Phylameana lila Desy, About.com
Diaries and journals are written for a variety of different reasons. Historically, journal entries were intended to serve as written records. It is much easier to track a past event if you have a written record of your appointments and activities. Trial lawyers love clients and witnesses who keep journals and datebooks because it frees them of hours/days of investigation. Where were you on September 15, 1999? A diary could come in handy, huh?
Writing as a Form of Therapy
Writing down your thoughts and feelings is a therapeutic activity. Paper and pen are the tools for your creative expression, joys and sorrows alike. Journaling can be a healing process to help you get in touch with your deepest yearnings, find resolve for problems, and deal with personal issues. Whatever type of painful emotion you are experiencing (grief, sadness, fear, isolation, etc.) expressing yourself in writing can help ease your discomfort.
Writing Exercise Drains Brain of Mindless Clutter
Getting words down on paper can help clear your head of thoughts and ideas that are creating a mental swirl of confusion. Something as simple as keeping a grocery list can help free up the activity center of your brain, making room for clearer thinking.
Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, suggests a writing exercise she calls THE MORNING PAPERS. Take three sheets of paper each day and with pen or pencil just start writing. This process is intended to allow a "stream-of-consciousness." It doesn't matter what words or phrases you write down. It doesn't matter if your sentence structure or grammar is poor. Nevermind misspellings. IT DOESN'T MATTER! THE MORNING PAPERS, unlike journals are not for keeping... they are not to be read at all. After you've finished the writing exercise feed your papers directly into the paper shredder or toss them inside the recycle bin. The purpose of doing this exercise is to clear your brain of mindless clutter and discharge any emotional baggage connected to useless or negative thoughts, or in Julia's words, it is a "brain-drain" activity.
In her creativity workshops, Julia teaches how we block our creative selves by not releasing our anger, our worries, our criticisms, etc. Things that block our creative juices flowing to the surface need an outlet. Writing can be a used as a venting tool to rid yourself of negative thinking.
Five Types of Journals
• Daily Diary - Writing a daily journal is one way to balance your emotional ups and downs. It is also an excellent way to communicate with your inner self.
• Gratitude Journal - Express your joy and happiness by keeping a gratitude journal. Make a note of everything, no matter how small or how big, that gives you joy or brings you happiness. It is always beneficial to focus on the positives, but it is especially healing during the bumpy times to be able to turn to a book filled with positivity and gratitude in your own handwriting.
• Dream Diary - Scenarios and symbology experienced during slumber have special meanings. Record your dreams first thing in the morning while they are still fresh in your mind. Self analysis will come later when you have the time to explore the scribblings in your dream diary.
• Travel Log - Jotting down your vacation highlights as you experience new places and different cultures will keep these special adventures alive forever.
• Memories Journal - Writing down stories about your childhood makes for a good keepsake to pass down to your children, grandchildren, and to be cherished by generations to come. While you're at it, write down the stories told to you by your parents and grandparents. So many stories, so little time. Write them down before they are lost forever.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Andai TubuH BIsa Bicara
Apa yang terjadi pada tubuh, memberi dampak langsung pada diri Anda. Ketika Anda lalai memperhatikannya, dia akan memberikan sinyal-sinyal ini.
Cepat Lupa
Penyakit pikun yang terjadi pada usia muda salah satu penyebabnya adalah kurang tidur. Matt Walker, Ph.D., asisten profesor psikiatri dari Harvard Medical School mengatakan bahwa kemampuan memori Anda untuk mengingat suatu informasi akan meningkat 20-30% apabila Anda menyempatkan diri untuk tidur selama 8 jam setelah menerima informasi tersebut.
Kedutan pada Kelopak Mata
Para ahli kesehatan sepakat bahwa 99% kedutan pada mata disebabkan tubuh didera stres dan kelelahan. Cara untuk menghentikan kedutan pada mata ini hanyalah membiarkan tubuh dan mata beristirahat. Mengompres mata dengan air hangat selama beberapa saat juga bisa membantu meredakan lelah.
Sulit Konsentrasi
Kesulitan memfokuskan pikiran bisa pertanda bahwa Anda kekurangan asupan protein dan karbohidrat. Pasalnya, konsumsi kedua zat makanan tersebut dalam jumlah cukup bisa membantu menggenjot kadar zat dopamine di dalam otak, yang berhubungan dengan peningkatan fungsi konsentrasi dan kemampuan seseorang untuk memfokuskan diri pada sesuatu.
Menguap Terus-Menerus
Menguap tidak selalu berarti Anda tengah merasa ngantuk. Menguap juga merupakan sinyal dari alam bahwah sadar bahwa tubuh Anda kurang bergerak. Misalnya, Anda kelewat serius bekerja sehingga menghabiskan lebih dari lima jam duduk di depan komputer. Solusinya, hentikan pekerjaan Anda dan berjalan-jalanlah sejenak untuk menghirup udara segar.
Lekas Lelah
Kondisi lekas lelah yang Anda alami selama berbulan-bulan bisa menjadi pertanda bahwa Anda sedang mengidap Chronic Fatigue Syndrome atau Sindrom Lelah Kronik (SLK). Munculnya SLK berhubungan dengan aktivitas fisik berlebihan seperti olahraga yang terlalu dipaksakan atau akibat stres. Tanda-tanda yang tampakjelas antara lain adalah cepat merasa lelah, tidur tidak nyenyak, nyeri otot, serta perasaan lemas berlebihan setelah melakukan aktivitas fisik yang minim sekalipun. Jika Anda mengalami hal ini, maka segeralah berkonsultasi pada dokter untuk mencari pemecahannya.
Cegukan
Bila Anda tidak sedang melahap apa pun, namun mengalami cegukan, itu pertanda tubuh Anda sedang stres. Hormon stres yang dilepas ke dalam aliran darah kemudian merangsang serat saraf secara berlebihan. Akibatnya, terjadi kontraksi otot tak sadar yang terletak di dekat pita suara sehingga menimbulkan bunyi. Redakan cegukan dengan cara menelan sedikit gula pasir. Butiran gula pasir mampu menstimulir ujung saraf di balik kerongkongan sehingga menghambat impuls saraf lainnya dan meredakan cegukan.
Kaki Kram
Kaki kram bisa menjadi sinyal bahwa tubuh mengalami dehidrasi serta kekurangan asupan kalsium dan magnesium. Untuk mengatasinya, minumlah air putih lebih banyak dari biasanya. Konsumsi susu yang kaya kalsium juga amat baik Anda lakukan, terlebih bagi Anda yang berusia di atas 30 tahun dan membutuhkan tabungan kalsium yang lebih banyak.
Nyeri perut
Rasa sakit pada perut bisa muncul akibat kebiasaan makan ticlak teratur sehingga timbul gangguan pada lambung. Namun, nyeri perut yang tidak terjadi karena penyakit maag atau penyakit lain, berdasarkan penelitian yang dilakukan di University of Colorado Health Sciences Center, Amerika, bisa jadi menandakan Anda sedang mengidap depresi.
Sakit Kepala
Sakit kepala karena tegang diawali dengan ketegangan di otot leher, bahu, dan tengkorak. Sakitnya selalu berawal dari kepala belakang, merambat ke depan, lalu ke kedua sisi kepala. Jika ini Anda alami, berarti tubuh Anda sedang mengirimkan sinyal untuk beristirahat.
Cepat Lupa
Penyakit pikun yang terjadi pada usia muda salah satu penyebabnya adalah kurang tidur. Matt Walker, Ph.D., asisten profesor psikiatri dari Harvard Medical School mengatakan bahwa kemampuan memori Anda untuk mengingat suatu informasi akan meningkat 20-30% apabila Anda menyempatkan diri untuk tidur selama 8 jam setelah menerima informasi tersebut.
Kedutan pada Kelopak Mata
Para ahli kesehatan sepakat bahwa 99% kedutan pada mata disebabkan tubuh didera stres dan kelelahan. Cara untuk menghentikan kedutan pada mata ini hanyalah membiarkan tubuh dan mata beristirahat. Mengompres mata dengan air hangat selama beberapa saat juga bisa membantu meredakan lelah.
Sulit Konsentrasi
Kesulitan memfokuskan pikiran bisa pertanda bahwa Anda kekurangan asupan protein dan karbohidrat. Pasalnya, konsumsi kedua zat makanan tersebut dalam jumlah cukup bisa membantu menggenjot kadar zat dopamine di dalam otak, yang berhubungan dengan peningkatan fungsi konsentrasi dan kemampuan seseorang untuk memfokuskan diri pada sesuatu.
Menguap Terus-Menerus
Menguap tidak selalu berarti Anda tengah merasa ngantuk. Menguap juga merupakan sinyal dari alam bahwah sadar bahwa tubuh Anda kurang bergerak. Misalnya, Anda kelewat serius bekerja sehingga menghabiskan lebih dari lima jam duduk di depan komputer. Solusinya, hentikan pekerjaan Anda dan berjalan-jalanlah sejenak untuk menghirup udara segar.
Lekas Lelah
Kondisi lekas lelah yang Anda alami selama berbulan-bulan bisa menjadi pertanda bahwa Anda sedang mengidap Chronic Fatigue Syndrome atau Sindrom Lelah Kronik (SLK). Munculnya SLK berhubungan dengan aktivitas fisik berlebihan seperti olahraga yang terlalu dipaksakan atau akibat stres. Tanda-tanda yang tampakjelas antara lain adalah cepat merasa lelah, tidur tidak nyenyak, nyeri otot, serta perasaan lemas berlebihan setelah melakukan aktivitas fisik yang minim sekalipun. Jika Anda mengalami hal ini, maka segeralah berkonsultasi pada dokter untuk mencari pemecahannya.
Cegukan
Bila Anda tidak sedang melahap apa pun, namun mengalami cegukan, itu pertanda tubuh Anda sedang stres. Hormon stres yang dilepas ke dalam aliran darah kemudian merangsang serat saraf secara berlebihan. Akibatnya, terjadi kontraksi otot tak sadar yang terletak di dekat pita suara sehingga menimbulkan bunyi. Redakan cegukan dengan cara menelan sedikit gula pasir. Butiran gula pasir mampu menstimulir ujung saraf di balik kerongkongan sehingga menghambat impuls saraf lainnya dan meredakan cegukan.
Kaki Kram
Kaki kram bisa menjadi sinyal bahwa tubuh mengalami dehidrasi serta kekurangan asupan kalsium dan magnesium. Untuk mengatasinya, minumlah air putih lebih banyak dari biasanya. Konsumsi susu yang kaya kalsium juga amat baik Anda lakukan, terlebih bagi Anda yang berusia di atas 30 tahun dan membutuhkan tabungan kalsium yang lebih banyak.
Nyeri perut
Rasa sakit pada perut bisa muncul akibat kebiasaan makan ticlak teratur sehingga timbul gangguan pada lambung. Namun, nyeri perut yang tidak terjadi karena penyakit maag atau penyakit lain, berdasarkan penelitian yang dilakukan di University of Colorado Health Sciences Center, Amerika, bisa jadi menandakan Anda sedang mengidap depresi.
Sakit Kepala
Sakit kepala karena tegang diawali dengan ketegangan di otot leher, bahu, dan tengkorak. Sakitnya selalu berawal dari kepala belakang, merambat ke depan, lalu ke kedua sisi kepala. Jika ini Anda alami, berarti tubuh Anda sedang mengirimkan sinyal untuk beristirahat.
Tertawalah, itu Sehat
Tertawa memang bisa membuat kita lebih senang dan sehat. Hal ini karena kegiatan tertawa mampu mengubah rasa sedih dan kesal menjadi perasaan rileks dan beban apa pun terasa lebih ringan.
"Ketika Anda tertawa, Anda memasuki tahapan rileks. Tekanan darah dan detak jantung turun menjadi normal, sehingga kita merasa lebih tenang. Selain itu tertawa juga merangsang hormon endorphin, anti sakit alami yang dihasilkan oleh otak," kata John Morreall, president of HUMORWORKS, Florida, Amerika Serikat.
Tertawa juga memiliki dampak biologis karena bisa mengembalikan mood. Ketika kita melontarkan humor, terutama mengenai kejadian sehari-hari yang kita alami atau masalah, efektif meningkatkan rasa memiliki dan kedekatan satu sama lain. Itu sebabnya para ahli masalah perkawinan menganjurkan agar Anda melibatkan humor dalam kehidupan sehari-hari bersama pasangan.
Merasa stuck dan kehilangan ide? Tertawalah karena kegiatan ini bisa membuat kita berpikir lebih kreatif. "Humor akan melenyapkan hambatan mental. Ini akan mendorong kit berpikir secara tidak biasa saat melihat segala sesuatu," kata Morreall.
Sementara itu William Fry, profesor emeritus Psikiatri dari Universitas Stanford, mengatakan kreativitas dan humor adalah suatu hal yang identik. "Tertawa bisa menyatukan dua hal yang sepertinya tidak saling berhubungan dan menciptakan hubungan," katanya.
Teori yang menyatakan tertawa bisa meningkatkan kesehatan pertama kali diungkapkan oleh Norman Cousins pada tahun 1979 lewat bukunya yang sangat laris, Anatamoy of an Illness. Namun pada abad 17 seorang dokter dari Inggris, Thomas Sydenham, pernah menulis, "Kedatangan badut ke desa ternyata bisa meningkatkan kesehatan daripada 20 kali minum obat".
Selama berabad-abad, para ahli mempelajari kaitan antara mood dan tertawa. Mereka menemukan bahwa orang yang punya selera humor biasanya jarang depresi dan cemas. Sementara itu peneliti dari West Chester University di Pennsylvania mengungkapkan bahwa pelajar yang menggunakan humor untuk menghadapi masalah biasanya selalu berpikiran positif. Jadi, tertawalah!
"Ketika Anda tertawa, Anda memasuki tahapan rileks. Tekanan darah dan detak jantung turun menjadi normal, sehingga kita merasa lebih tenang. Selain itu tertawa juga merangsang hormon endorphin, anti sakit alami yang dihasilkan oleh otak," kata John Morreall, president of HUMORWORKS, Florida, Amerika Serikat.
Tertawa juga memiliki dampak biologis karena bisa mengembalikan mood. Ketika kita melontarkan humor, terutama mengenai kejadian sehari-hari yang kita alami atau masalah, efektif meningkatkan rasa memiliki dan kedekatan satu sama lain. Itu sebabnya para ahli masalah perkawinan menganjurkan agar Anda melibatkan humor dalam kehidupan sehari-hari bersama pasangan.
Merasa stuck dan kehilangan ide? Tertawalah karena kegiatan ini bisa membuat kita berpikir lebih kreatif. "Humor akan melenyapkan hambatan mental. Ini akan mendorong kit berpikir secara tidak biasa saat melihat segala sesuatu," kata Morreall.
Sementara itu William Fry, profesor emeritus Psikiatri dari Universitas Stanford, mengatakan kreativitas dan humor adalah suatu hal yang identik. "Tertawa bisa menyatukan dua hal yang sepertinya tidak saling berhubungan dan menciptakan hubungan," katanya.
Teori yang menyatakan tertawa bisa meningkatkan kesehatan pertama kali diungkapkan oleh Norman Cousins pada tahun 1979 lewat bukunya yang sangat laris, Anatamoy of an Illness. Namun pada abad 17 seorang dokter dari Inggris, Thomas Sydenham, pernah menulis, "Kedatangan badut ke desa ternyata bisa meningkatkan kesehatan daripada 20 kali minum obat".
Selama berabad-abad, para ahli mempelajari kaitan antara mood dan tertawa. Mereka menemukan bahwa orang yang punya selera humor biasanya jarang depresi dan cemas. Sementara itu peneliti dari West Chester University di Pennsylvania mengungkapkan bahwa pelajar yang menggunakan humor untuk menghadapi masalah biasanya selalu berpikiran positif. Jadi, tertawalah!
Kebahagiaan Bisa Menular Loh
RASA bahagia bisa menular dan menyebar lewat kelompok-kelompok sosial yang kita hidupi. Demikian sebuah penelitian mengungkap.
Sekitar 5000 orang dewasa yang diteliti ternyata dapat menularkan kebahagiaan yang dialaminya ke orang-orang sekelilingnya meski jaraknya cukup jauh, sekurangnya setengah mil (625 kilometer).
Subyek penelitian ini adalah mereka yang pernah ambil bagian dalam penelitian yang disebut Framingham Heart Study - penelitian untuk mengetahui risiko serangan jantung - antara tahun 1971 hingga 2003.
Para peserta atau subyek penelitian ini diminta mengidentifikasi keluarga, teman dekat, kawasan tempat tinggal dan bekerja dan diobservasi hingga dua sampai empat tahun ke depan.
Mereka juga ditanya mengenai kehidupan yang dijalani dan melihat kembali apakah mereka menikmatinya, punya harapan dengan masa depannya, dan memiliki hubungan yang baik dengan orang-orang sekitarnya.
Mereka yang merasa punya teman menularkan kebahagiaannya hingga 8 persen. Efek yang sama terjadi pada mereka yang dekat dengan saudara kandungnya (14 persen) dan tetangganya (34 persen). Penularan ini diketahui hingga menembus ke orang ketiga, teman dari teman kita.
Analisis ini menunjukkan bahwa kedekatan fisik menjadi faktor penting dalam proses penularan rasa bahagia. Sekitar 42 persen bisa jadi seseorang bakal tertular rasa bahagia bila temannya yang merasa bahagia ini tinggal kurang dari setengah mil darinya.
Kepala peneliti Prof. Nicholas Christakis mengatakan, ikatan rasa bahagia ini terjadi karena rasa bahagia menyebar tidak hanya karena seseorang cenderung mencari kawan dekat. "Yang paling penting dari sudut pandang kami adalah kenalnya seseorang dalam jaringan sosial ini, bahwa kesehatan dan keadaan baik seseorang berpengaruh bagi keadaan dan kesehatan kawannya."
Prof. Andrew Steptoe, seorang psikolog dari Universita College London mengatakan,"Inilah yang disebut sebagai intuisi, bila seseorang di sekitar Anda bahagia dan menularkannya ke orang lain. Yang lebih mengejutkan lagi adalah penularan ini tak hanya terjadi pada mereka yang memiliki hubungan dekat melainkan juga mereka yang justru ingin terpisah dari kelompok."
Kebahagiaan, kata Andrew, terkait dengan kondisi kesehatan atau memiliki efek baik pada kesehatan, bahkan kesehatan masyarakat secara umum. "Jika kebahagiaan dapat benar-benar ditransmisikan melalui koneksi sosial, artinya transmisi kesehatan pun dapat terjadi. Itulah sumbangan yang diharapkan dari temuan ini." kata Andrew.
Sekitar 5000 orang dewasa yang diteliti ternyata dapat menularkan kebahagiaan yang dialaminya ke orang-orang sekelilingnya meski jaraknya cukup jauh, sekurangnya setengah mil (625 kilometer).
Subyek penelitian ini adalah mereka yang pernah ambil bagian dalam penelitian yang disebut Framingham Heart Study - penelitian untuk mengetahui risiko serangan jantung - antara tahun 1971 hingga 2003.
Para peserta atau subyek penelitian ini diminta mengidentifikasi keluarga, teman dekat, kawasan tempat tinggal dan bekerja dan diobservasi hingga dua sampai empat tahun ke depan.
Mereka juga ditanya mengenai kehidupan yang dijalani dan melihat kembali apakah mereka menikmatinya, punya harapan dengan masa depannya, dan memiliki hubungan yang baik dengan orang-orang sekitarnya.
Mereka yang merasa punya teman menularkan kebahagiaannya hingga 8 persen. Efek yang sama terjadi pada mereka yang dekat dengan saudara kandungnya (14 persen) dan tetangganya (34 persen). Penularan ini diketahui hingga menembus ke orang ketiga, teman dari teman kita.
Analisis ini menunjukkan bahwa kedekatan fisik menjadi faktor penting dalam proses penularan rasa bahagia. Sekitar 42 persen bisa jadi seseorang bakal tertular rasa bahagia bila temannya yang merasa bahagia ini tinggal kurang dari setengah mil darinya.
Kepala peneliti Prof. Nicholas Christakis mengatakan, ikatan rasa bahagia ini terjadi karena rasa bahagia menyebar tidak hanya karena seseorang cenderung mencari kawan dekat. "Yang paling penting dari sudut pandang kami adalah kenalnya seseorang dalam jaringan sosial ini, bahwa kesehatan dan keadaan baik seseorang berpengaruh bagi keadaan dan kesehatan kawannya."
Prof. Andrew Steptoe, seorang psikolog dari Universita College London mengatakan,"Inilah yang disebut sebagai intuisi, bila seseorang di sekitar Anda bahagia dan menularkannya ke orang lain. Yang lebih mengejutkan lagi adalah penularan ini tak hanya terjadi pada mereka yang memiliki hubungan dekat melainkan juga mereka yang justru ingin terpisah dari kelompok."
Kebahagiaan, kata Andrew, terkait dengan kondisi kesehatan atau memiliki efek baik pada kesehatan, bahkan kesehatan masyarakat secara umum. "Jika kebahagiaan dapat benar-benar ditransmisikan melalui koneksi sosial, artinya transmisi kesehatan pun dapat terjadi. Itulah sumbangan yang diharapkan dari temuan ini." kata Andrew.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
sexual imprinting part 2
'Sexual imprinting'
Looking for the perfect partner?
Then just take a good look at your parents
Published Date: 03 September 2008 in The Scotsman, Edinburgh
By Tanya Thompson
Social Affairs Correspondent
The next time you gaze into your partner's eyes you may find they look vaguely familiar. Scientists now believe they have found the key ingredient to any love match – and it's all in the genes.
A new study suggests that "daddy's girls" choose men who look like their fathers, while "mummy's boys" cannot resist women who remind them of their mothers.
Scientists say people use their opposite sex parents as a template for picking a mate by a process called "sexual imprinting".
Psychologist Dr. Tamas Bereczkei and colleagues took 52 families and examined how alike various members were based on facial measurements. They found the women picked men strikingly similar to their father, with the mouth and nose being the most important features.
Meanwhile, the findings, published in Proceedings of the Royal Society B, suggested men actively seek out women who look like their mothers.
Dr. Bereczkei, of the University of Pecs in Hungary, said: "Significant correlations have been found between the young men and their partner's father … especially on facial proportions belonging to the central area of face. Women also showed resemblance to their partner's mother … in the facial characteristics of their lower face.
"Our results support the sexual imprinting hypothesis which states that children shape a mental template of their opposite sex parents and search for a partner who resembles that perception."
Well-known daddy's girls whose husbands bear more than a passing resemblance to their fathers include television presenter Zoe Ball. Her husband, the DJ Norman "Fatboy Slim" Cook, has similar eyes, ears and smile to those of her father, ex-children's TV presenter Johnny Ball.
The same goes for celebrity chef Nigella Lawson, whose husband, advertising guru Charles Saatchi, and father, ex-Chancellor Nigel Lawson, have similar eyes, noses and hair styles. Gwyneth Paltrow's husband Chris Martin also bears a long-faced resemblance to her late father Bruce. And Scots actor Ewan McGregor's wife, Eve, is said to be a carbon-copy of his mother Carol. Their faces follow the same shape and both have dark hair, sensuous, oval eyes and long, thin eyebrows.
It is believed the phenomenon of sexual imprinting evolved to help youngsters choose a compatible mate.
By modelling their own choice of partner on their parents' successful marriage, a daddy's girl or mummy's boy may increase their own chances of having a happy partnership. They may also believe that a man who looks like their father or a woman who looks like their mother is more likely to be a good parent.
Professor Cary Cooper, a psychologist from Lancaster University, said: "I think unconsciously we probably do select our partners based on our own parental models."
In the study, 14 facial proportions were measured on 312 adults from the 52 families, and the correlations between family members were compared with those of pairs randomly selected from the population.
The family consisted of a young man and his long-term partner or young woman and her long-term partner, his father and his mother, and her mother and father. The young people, all university students, were aged between 21 and 32 and the average length of their relationship was 18.6 months.
Looking for the perfect partner?
Then just take a good look at your parents
Published Date: 03 September 2008 in The Scotsman, Edinburgh
By Tanya Thompson
Social Affairs Correspondent
The next time you gaze into your partner's eyes you may find they look vaguely familiar. Scientists now believe they have found the key ingredient to any love match – and it's all in the genes.
A new study suggests that "daddy's girls" choose men who look like their fathers, while "mummy's boys" cannot resist women who remind them of their mothers.
Scientists say people use their opposite sex parents as a template for picking a mate by a process called "sexual imprinting".
Psychologist Dr. Tamas Bereczkei and colleagues took 52 families and examined how alike various members were based on facial measurements. They found the women picked men strikingly similar to their father, with the mouth and nose being the most important features.
Meanwhile, the findings, published in Proceedings of the Royal Society B, suggested men actively seek out women who look like their mothers.
Dr. Bereczkei, of the University of Pecs in Hungary, said: "Significant correlations have been found between the young men and their partner's father … especially on facial proportions belonging to the central area of face. Women also showed resemblance to their partner's mother … in the facial characteristics of their lower face.
"Our results support the sexual imprinting hypothesis which states that children shape a mental template of their opposite sex parents and search for a partner who resembles that perception."
Well-known daddy's girls whose husbands bear more than a passing resemblance to their fathers include television presenter Zoe Ball. Her husband, the DJ Norman "Fatboy Slim" Cook, has similar eyes, ears and smile to those of her father, ex-children's TV presenter Johnny Ball.
The same goes for celebrity chef Nigella Lawson, whose husband, advertising guru Charles Saatchi, and father, ex-Chancellor Nigel Lawson, have similar eyes, noses and hair styles. Gwyneth Paltrow's husband Chris Martin also bears a long-faced resemblance to her late father Bruce. And Scots actor Ewan McGregor's wife, Eve, is said to be a carbon-copy of his mother Carol. Their faces follow the same shape and both have dark hair, sensuous, oval eyes and long, thin eyebrows.
It is believed the phenomenon of sexual imprinting evolved to help youngsters choose a compatible mate.
By modelling their own choice of partner on their parents' successful marriage, a daddy's girl or mummy's boy may increase their own chances of having a happy partnership. They may also believe that a man who looks like their father or a woman who looks like their mother is more likely to be a good parent.
Professor Cary Cooper, a psychologist from Lancaster University, said: "I think unconsciously we probably do select our partners based on our own parental models."
In the study, 14 facial proportions were measured on 312 adults from the 52 families, and the correlations between family members were compared with those of pairs randomly selected from the population.
The family consisted of a young man and his long-term partner or young woman and her long-term partner, his father and his mother, and her mother and father. The young people, all university students, were aged between 21 and 32 and the average length of their relationship was 18.6 months.
sexual imprinting
The infant’s ego is a fusion of:
• Emotional dispositions and attitudes from the mother.
• Emotional dispositions and attitudes from the infant, carried over from the previous incarnation.
• The infant’s will.
The infant’s ego is built in its basic form during the first eighteen months of its life; from then on it develops this form as time goes by. In this initial period the mother’s influence is more important than the father’s influence, assuming that it is mainly the mother who cares for the infant. [¹]
In producing its ego through the bonding process, the two main factors acting on the infant are imprinting and identification. I examine each factor in turn. [²]
Imprinting
The infant can introject the mother’s emotions. It needs to do this ; if it is left unattended for long periods of time, as was the fashion in hospital maternity wards some time ago, then it experiences deep distress. But if it introjects unpleasant emotions from the mother then it also becomes distressed. [³]
The infant introjects the mother’s emotions. Both the mother’s emotions and the baby’s emotions include sexual ones. As the baby experiences emotions, it cannot distinguish their source. It cannot distinguish between sexual emotions that arise from within itself from the sexual emotions that are introjected from the mother. This is how the infant experiences sexuality ; it fuses its sexuality with the mother’s sexuality. Since the infant cannot verbalise its feelings, it may take its cues on sexuality from its mother’s attitude to sexuality. The child may have to wait till late childhood or even puberty before its own sexuality develops.
I re-phrase these ideas. The infant introjects the mother’s sexual feelings and attitudes, without being able to distinguish them from its own ones. The mother is a more powerful figure than the baby is. Her attitudes become the signposts and boundaries which guide and shape the ways that the infant can explore sexuality. Therefore the mother establishes the pattern within which the sensitive infant can form his sexual attitudes, that is, these attitudes are his responses to his mother’s pattern of feminine sexuality.
At puberty these attitudes are now externalised and projected outside the family. So from then on his sexual attitudes find harmony with a woman who reflects his mother’s attitudes, his mother’s femininity. Hence the mother imprints on the sensitive infant his sexual identity, and this becomes his pattern of sexuality when puberty forces him to externalise his desires. As an adult he can accept this pattern or choose other modes of sexual relationships ; the choice depends on how he handles sexual anxiety.
Mechanics of Imprinting
The infant needs love, and it is this need that causes imprinting to occur. This need presents itself when jealousy, in its self-pity mode, is currently dominant in the baby. [4]. What the infant receives from the mother is jealous love. When imprinting occurs, the flow of love is from the mother (jealousy in love mode) to the infant (jealousy in self-pity mode). [5]. The self-pity mode indicates dependency; hence imprinting signifies the dependency of the child on the mother. But since this mode of jealousy is also associated with the introjection of the mother’s sexual feelings, so imprinting also signifies sexual dependency. Imprinting is a sexual form of bonding.
Why does the sexual imprinting occur?
The existential reality of rebirth is that everything is subconscious : this is to say that there are no signs or mental landmarks for the crystallising ego to anchor itself to. The infant is on the receiving end of an endless succession of sensory stimuli which it does not know how to interpret. The psychological attachment to a parent, usually the mother, is the only possible response that the infant can make. In the total sensory confusion of the infant, the mother is the only ‘sign’ in a signless world. What the infant takes from the mother is the experience of her emotions : the regular repetition of pleasant emotions becomes the first ‘sign’ that the infant can recognise. This is achieved through the medium of the auras.
When two people are close enough together for their auras to blend then transference of emotion is direct from one aura to the other one. This actuality is the situation that the infant always experiences – it is usually held close enough to the mother to be able to absorb her emotions.
The infant’s emotions include narcissism and jealousy. Which emotion will become dominant depends on the past life, the past incarnation. The infant can respond in two ways to the mother’s sexual feelings. If a person in the previous life was centred on jealousy then in this life as an infant he will prefer sexual desire. Whereas a narcissistic infant will prefer sexual attraction. [6]. The infant then absorbs the mother’s sexual feelings as usual; the combination forms the child’s pattern of sexual identity.
This difference between jealousy and narcissism explains why some young children are more interested in sexual behaviour and sexual desire than other children are.
Identification and Infancy Trauma
Identification only becomes possible once the crystallising ego can begin to separate its emotions and responses from those of the mother. It is a form of bonding which has both sexual and non-sexual components, whereas imprinting is a sexual form of bonding. I consider how they link up.
Identification revolves around a central difficulty, which is that people are unaware of their emotional motivations and responses to life. This lack of awareness in parents can produce severe problems for the infant. In the parents, the stresses of materialism and the stresses of relationships are usually kept repressed and hence are subconscious. The mother passes these subconscious stresses to the infant, as it introjects her emotions.
A parent may deliberately ill-treat a child. But this is not what I am attempting to analyse. In the following analysis I am assuming that there is no conscious desire to ill-treat a child. I am highlighting the subconscious dynamics of the mother-infant relationship.
The most unpleasant introjected emotions that the infant has to confront are forms of hate, especially the hate mode of pride. In a moralistic or a strong-willed mother the morality or the strong will power go hand-in-hand with a dominant sense of pride. Now pure hate is the emotional dynamic that sustains strong will power (hate enables the person to cut out any irrelevancies and unimportant issues), and strong pride centres on its hate mode. These factors ensure that modes of hate are a regular occurrence for the mother – though primarily it is the mode within pride that distresses the infant (whereas in a weak-willed mother the subconscious hatred is not so intense).
The mother is also likely to be experiencing abreactive hate regularly. [7]. When a marriage partner has a strong will or a strong sense of pride, there is likely to be little emotional support happening between the couple ; so the effects of abreaction will be felt more intensely. Her moralistic stance will intensify her resentments, since resentment is the ground of social morality. And when she gets angry, her anger just intensifies the infant’s problems (in an ideal world, when the mother is angry or feeling hateful she should avoid handling and feeding the infant so that it does not introject these emotions).
The infant absorbs the mother’s subconscious hatred whilst it is trying to construct its ego. The hatred has the effect of de-stabilising the ego whilst it is in the process of formation. In a mother-infant relationship, oscillating between love and hate, the infant cannot be neutral or calm. It has three choices: the first two focus on hatred, and the last one on self-pity. In the first two choices it can either accept the mother’s hate and become distressed ; or it can refute that hate by generating its own hatred, thereby becoming aggressive and rebellious. These choices lead to guilt and pride.
In the third choice, it can become depressed and filled with self-pity ; this choice is not the focus of this article. [8]. I am analysing the effects of hatred on the child.
When the infant accepts the mother’s subconscious hate, it experiences it as being directed at itself ; this turns the introjected emotion into self-hate. The infant is plunged into trauma. Its primary belief is that it has been rejected. It creates guilt as its long-term response to the mother. But even guilt (mode of self-hate) is a terrible emotion, especially for the infant. It ‘escapes’ from its predicament by identifying with the mother.
During my self-analysis, as I worked through my problems with bonding, it became abundantly clear to me that it is the self-hate within guilt that creates identification – not love, nor the love within jealousy or narcissism, but guilt. Identification is established when the infant rejects itself and psychologically clings to the mother. And when the adult, during psycho-analysis, eventually faces the pain of infancy trauma, it is the issue of rejection that he has to resolve. [9]
Mechanics of Identification
The ego is created by attitudes and beliefs that can support the will. Creating an ego means creating a consistent will, in the way that Nietzsche understood. Consistent attitudes and beliefs create a consistent will. Confused and conflicting attitudes and beliefs generate an uncertain will and thereby form an unstable ego. [10]
Identification requires will and emotion ; the preferred emotion is love, but pure love does not maintain attachments (pure love is just a flow without an object ; only the love within either jealousy or narcissism adheres to objects). Therefore, as it flees from guilt the infant uses imprinting as its route to jealous love. And it takes the model of the mother’s will power as a surrogate for its own will. By focusing on will the child can orientate on jealous love, rather than on the dependency-creating self-pity mode of jealousy. In effect, the child uses will to switch the mode of jealousy from self-pity to love.
Now I can link identification to imprinting.
Identification = will + sexual imprinting.
= will + jealousy (mode of love).
During periods when the infant cannot sustain identification then it becomes a whining child. Jealousy remains in the self-pity mode.
Not all children are troubled to the same extent by identification. I assume that the intensity of identification correlates with the intensity of the child’s feeling of self-hate. The mother’s subconscious hatred (of the husband, or of society, of her job, of life, etc) causes the child to respond by making guilt the essence of its relationship to her. This is the tragedy of childhood : the child cannot separate the mother’s hatred of husband, society, life, etc, from hatred of itself.
This tragedy is the core of nearly all the psychological problems that the child will experience in life when it becomes an adult. I am not here dealing with deliberate abuse of the child by a parent – that is bad enough. I am trying to explain why a moralistic or a strong-willed mother, with the best of conscious intentions for the child, nevertheless creates the cross that the child will carry in life
Effect of Envy
The child may identify with one or both of the parents. If a child does not identify with both of the parents then the likely explanation is that there was little or no occurrence of infancy trauma, so parent – child relations can be happy ones (happiness can lead to attachment, but not to identification).
If the child identifies with one parent but not the other one, then a different pattern exists. The lack of identification indicates the likely presence of a dominant sense of envy towards that parent. Envy prevents a child from forming any strong bond to significant adults (envy is a dominant factor in autism [11] ).
The difference between jealousy and envy is:
• Jealousy facilitates bonding.
• Envy prevents bonding.
If an infant does not experience any trauma in childhood, then its attachments to its parents may be genuinely positive and pleasurable ones. But there is a trade-off between happiness and trauma. Happy and pleasurable attachments will lack the intensity of the identification bond. So when the child becomes an adult its relationships to other adults are likely to lack intensity too.
Roles of the Parents
One woman writer presumed that for a female child the mother gives it the sense of nurturing and the father gives it the sense of social relationships. In my view this is only partly correct. Bearing in mind her ideas on the father-daughter relationship, I assume that for heterosexual children :
• The child gets its sense of social relationships from the parent of the opposite sex to it.
• The child gets its sense of being an individual from the parent of the same sex to it.
These ideas mean that for a boy his sense of individuality is a masculine one, whilst for a girl her sense of individuality is a feminine one.
Summary
I summarise my ideas for the period in life when the infant is trying to create its ego (from about seven months of age onwards). The infant assumes that the mother’s subconscious hatred is the mother’s feeling towards it. It experiences self-hate, which is then turned into guilt. It escapes from the guilt by developing identification with the mother – it changes self-hate into love, but this love is the love mode of jealousy. Jealousy follows guilt. Hence the sequence is:
Self-hate leads to guilt, which then leads to identification, which then leads to jealousy.
The jealousy may or may not be obvious, but the guilt is buried in the subconscious mind and so is not visible.
The mother had already imprinted her pattern of sexuality on the child. So now the child ties his jealousy to the mother’s sexual feelings ; hence his image of her always has a sexual component. Through the stratagem of identification he ties his will to the mother’s use of will ; this is his means of stabilising his own will. Finally, when he has become an adolescent he experiences sexual transference in social situations when anxiety acts on his jealousy.The complete reaction from guilt to sexual transference is the Oedipus complex, as it relates to the child-mother relationship. The factor of identification within the complex generates intense feelings. The man will now find that for sustained passionate and intense sexual relationships to occur, his female partner needs to have traits of personality that are similar to those of his mother. [12]
• Emotional dispositions and attitudes from the mother.
• Emotional dispositions and attitudes from the infant, carried over from the previous incarnation.
• The infant’s will.
The infant’s ego is built in its basic form during the first eighteen months of its life; from then on it develops this form as time goes by. In this initial period the mother’s influence is more important than the father’s influence, assuming that it is mainly the mother who cares for the infant. [¹]
In producing its ego through the bonding process, the two main factors acting on the infant are imprinting and identification. I examine each factor in turn. [²]
Imprinting
The infant can introject the mother’s emotions. It needs to do this ; if it is left unattended for long periods of time, as was the fashion in hospital maternity wards some time ago, then it experiences deep distress. But if it introjects unpleasant emotions from the mother then it also becomes distressed. [³]
The infant introjects the mother’s emotions. Both the mother’s emotions and the baby’s emotions include sexual ones. As the baby experiences emotions, it cannot distinguish their source. It cannot distinguish between sexual emotions that arise from within itself from the sexual emotions that are introjected from the mother. This is how the infant experiences sexuality ; it fuses its sexuality with the mother’s sexuality. Since the infant cannot verbalise its feelings, it may take its cues on sexuality from its mother’s attitude to sexuality. The child may have to wait till late childhood or even puberty before its own sexuality develops.
I re-phrase these ideas. The infant introjects the mother’s sexual feelings and attitudes, without being able to distinguish them from its own ones. The mother is a more powerful figure than the baby is. Her attitudes become the signposts and boundaries which guide and shape the ways that the infant can explore sexuality. Therefore the mother establishes the pattern within which the sensitive infant can form his sexual attitudes, that is, these attitudes are his responses to his mother’s pattern of feminine sexuality.
At puberty these attitudes are now externalised and projected outside the family. So from then on his sexual attitudes find harmony with a woman who reflects his mother’s attitudes, his mother’s femininity. Hence the mother imprints on the sensitive infant his sexual identity, and this becomes his pattern of sexuality when puberty forces him to externalise his desires. As an adult he can accept this pattern or choose other modes of sexual relationships ; the choice depends on how he handles sexual anxiety.
Mechanics of Imprinting
The infant needs love, and it is this need that causes imprinting to occur. This need presents itself when jealousy, in its self-pity mode, is currently dominant in the baby. [4]. What the infant receives from the mother is jealous love. When imprinting occurs, the flow of love is from the mother (jealousy in love mode) to the infant (jealousy in self-pity mode). [5]. The self-pity mode indicates dependency; hence imprinting signifies the dependency of the child on the mother. But since this mode of jealousy is also associated with the introjection of the mother’s sexual feelings, so imprinting also signifies sexual dependency. Imprinting is a sexual form of bonding.
Why does the sexual imprinting occur?
The existential reality of rebirth is that everything is subconscious : this is to say that there are no signs or mental landmarks for the crystallising ego to anchor itself to. The infant is on the receiving end of an endless succession of sensory stimuli which it does not know how to interpret. The psychological attachment to a parent, usually the mother, is the only possible response that the infant can make. In the total sensory confusion of the infant, the mother is the only ‘sign’ in a signless world. What the infant takes from the mother is the experience of her emotions : the regular repetition of pleasant emotions becomes the first ‘sign’ that the infant can recognise. This is achieved through the medium of the auras.
When two people are close enough together for their auras to blend then transference of emotion is direct from one aura to the other one. This actuality is the situation that the infant always experiences – it is usually held close enough to the mother to be able to absorb her emotions.
The infant’s emotions include narcissism and jealousy. Which emotion will become dominant depends on the past life, the past incarnation. The infant can respond in two ways to the mother’s sexual feelings. If a person in the previous life was centred on jealousy then in this life as an infant he will prefer sexual desire. Whereas a narcissistic infant will prefer sexual attraction. [6]. The infant then absorbs the mother’s sexual feelings as usual; the combination forms the child’s pattern of sexual identity.
This difference between jealousy and narcissism explains why some young children are more interested in sexual behaviour and sexual desire than other children are.
Identification and Infancy Trauma
Identification only becomes possible once the crystallising ego can begin to separate its emotions and responses from those of the mother. It is a form of bonding which has both sexual and non-sexual components, whereas imprinting is a sexual form of bonding. I consider how they link up.
Identification revolves around a central difficulty, which is that people are unaware of their emotional motivations and responses to life. This lack of awareness in parents can produce severe problems for the infant. In the parents, the stresses of materialism and the stresses of relationships are usually kept repressed and hence are subconscious. The mother passes these subconscious stresses to the infant, as it introjects her emotions.
A parent may deliberately ill-treat a child. But this is not what I am attempting to analyse. In the following analysis I am assuming that there is no conscious desire to ill-treat a child. I am highlighting the subconscious dynamics of the mother-infant relationship.
The most unpleasant introjected emotions that the infant has to confront are forms of hate, especially the hate mode of pride. In a moralistic or a strong-willed mother the morality or the strong will power go hand-in-hand with a dominant sense of pride. Now pure hate is the emotional dynamic that sustains strong will power (hate enables the person to cut out any irrelevancies and unimportant issues), and strong pride centres on its hate mode. These factors ensure that modes of hate are a regular occurrence for the mother – though primarily it is the mode within pride that distresses the infant (whereas in a weak-willed mother the subconscious hatred is not so intense).
The mother is also likely to be experiencing abreactive hate regularly. [7]. When a marriage partner has a strong will or a strong sense of pride, there is likely to be little emotional support happening between the couple ; so the effects of abreaction will be felt more intensely. Her moralistic stance will intensify her resentments, since resentment is the ground of social morality. And when she gets angry, her anger just intensifies the infant’s problems (in an ideal world, when the mother is angry or feeling hateful she should avoid handling and feeding the infant so that it does not introject these emotions).
The infant absorbs the mother’s subconscious hatred whilst it is trying to construct its ego. The hatred has the effect of de-stabilising the ego whilst it is in the process of formation. In a mother-infant relationship, oscillating between love and hate, the infant cannot be neutral or calm. It has three choices: the first two focus on hatred, and the last one on self-pity. In the first two choices it can either accept the mother’s hate and become distressed ; or it can refute that hate by generating its own hatred, thereby becoming aggressive and rebellious. These choices lead to guilt and pride.
In the third choice, it can become depressed and filled with self-pity ; this choice is not the focus of this article. [8]. I am analysing the effects of hatred on the child.
When the infant accepts the mother’s subconscious hate, it experiences it as being directed at itself ; this turns the introjected emotion into self-hate. The infant is plunged into trauma. Its primary belief is that it has been rejected. It creates guilt as its long-term response to the mother. But even guilt (mode of self-hate) is a terrible emotion, especially for the infant. It ‘escapes’ from its predicament by identifying with the mother.
During my self-analysis, as I worked through my problems with bonding, it became abundantly clear to me that it is the self-hate within guilt that creates identification – not love, nor the love within jealousy or narcissism, but guilt. Identification is established when the infant rejects itself and psychologically clings to the mother. And when the adult, during psycho-analysis, eventually faces the pain of infancy trauma, it is the issue of rejection that he has to resolve. [9]
Mechanics of Identification
The ego is created by attitudes and beliefs that can support the will. Creating an ego means creating a consistent will, in the way that Nietzsche understood. Consistent attitudes and beliefs create a consistent will. Confused and conflicting attitudes and beliefs generate an uncertain will and thereby form an unstable ego. [10]
Identification requires will and emotion ; the preferred emotion is love, but pure love does not maintain attachments (pure love is just a flow without an object ; only the love within either jealousy or narcissism adheres to objects). Therefore, as it flees from guilt the infant uses imprinting as its route to jealous love. And it takes the model of the mother’s will power as a surrogate for its own will. By focusing on will the child can orientate on jealous love, rather than on the dependency-creating self-pity mode of jealousy. In effect, the child uses will to switch the mode of jealousy from self-pity to love.
Now I can link identification to imprinting.
Identification = will + sexual imprinting.
= will + jealousy (mode of love).
During periods when the infant cannot sustain identification then it becomes a whining child. Jealousy remains in the self-pity mode.
Not all children are troubled to the same extent by identification. I assume that the intensity of identification correlates with the intensity of the child’s feeling of self-hate. The mother’s subconscious hatred (of the husband, or of society, of her job, of life, etc) causes the child to respond by making guilt the essence of its relationship to her. This is the tragedy of childhood : the child cannot separate the mother’s hatred of husband, society, life, etc, from hatred of itself.
This tragedy is the core of nearly all the psychological problems that the child will experience in life when it becomes an adult. I am not here dealing with deliberate abuse of the child by a parent – that is bad enough. I am trying to explain why a moralistic or a strong-willed mother, with the best of conscious intentions for the child, nevertheless creates the cross that the child will carry in life
Effect of Envy
The child may identify with one or both of the parents. If a child does not identify with both of the parents then the likely explanation is that there was little or no occurrence of infancy trauma, so parent – child relations can be happy ones (happiness can lead to attachment, but not to identification).
If the child identifies with one parent but not the other one, then a different pattern exists. The lack of identification indicates the likely presence of a dominant sense of envy towards that parent. Envy prevents a child from forming any strong bond to significant adults (envy is a dominant factor in autism [11] ).
The difference between jealousy and envy is:
• Jealousy facilitates bonding.
• Envy prevents bonding.
If an infant does not experience any trauma in childhood, then its attachments to its parents may be genuinely positive and pleasurable ones. But there is a trade-off between happiness and trauma. Happy and pleasurable attachments will lack the intensity of the identification bond. So when the child becomes an adult its relationships to other adults are likely to lack intensity too.
Roles of the Parents
One woman writer presumed that for a female child the mother gives it the sense of nurturing and the father gives it the sense of social relationships. In my view this is only partly correct. Bearing in mind her ideas on the father-daughter relationship, I assume that for heterosexual children :
• The child gets its sense of social relationships from the parent of the opposite sex to it.
• The child gets its sense of being an individual from the parent of the same sex to it.
These ideas mean that for a boy his sense of individuality is a masculine one, whilst for a girl her sense of individuality is a feminine one.
Summary
I summarise my ideas for the period in life when the infant is trying to create its ego (from about seven months of age onwards). The infant assumes that the mother’s subconscious hatred is the mother’s feeling towards it. It experiences self-hate, which is then turned into guilt. It escapes from the guilt by developing identification with the mother – it changes self-hate into love, but this love is the love mode of jealousy. Jealousy follows guilt. Hence the sequence is:
Self-hate leads to guilt, which then leads to identification, which then leads to jealousy.
The jealousy may or may not be obvious, but the guilt is buried in the subconscious mind and so is not visible.
The mother had already imprinted her pattern of sexuality on the child. So now the child ties his jealousy to the mother’s sexual feelings ; hence his image of her always has a sexual component. Through the stratagem of identification he ties his will to the mother’s use of will ; this is his means of stabilising his own will. Finally, when he has become an adolescent he experiences sexual transference in social situations when anxiety acts on his jealousy.The complete reaction from guilt to sexual transference is the Oedipus complex, as it relates to the child-mother relationship. The factor of identification within the complex generates intense feelings. The man will now find that for sustained passionate and intense sexual relationships to occur, his female partner needs to have traits of personality that are similar to those of his mother. [12]
Kisah Seekor Kupu Kupu
Kisah Seekor Kupu-kupu!
Di sebuah kota kecil yang tenang dan indah, ada sepasang laki-laki dan perempuan yang saling mencintai. Mereka selalu bersama memandang matahari terbit di puncak gunung, bersama di pesisir pantai menghantar matahari senja. Setiap orang yang bertemu dengan mereka tidak bisa tidak akan menghantar dengan pandangan kagum dan doa bahagia. Mereka saling mengasihi satu sama lain Namun pada suatu hari, malang sang lelaki mengalami luka berat akibat sebuah kecelakaan.
Ia berbaring di atas ranjang pasien beberapa malam tidak sadarkan diri di rumah sakit. Siang hari sang perempuan menjaga di depan ranjang dan dengan tiada henti memanggil-memanggil kekasih yang tidak sadar sedikitpun.
Malamnya ia ke gereja kecil di kota tersebut dan tak lupa berdoa kepada Tuhan Agar kekasihnya selamat. Air matanya sendiri hampir kering karena menangis sepanjang hari.
Seminggu telah berlalu, sang lelaki tetap pingsan tertidur seperti dulu, sedangkan si perempuan telah berubah menjadi pucat pasi dan lesu tidak terkira, namun ia tetap dengan susah payah bertahan dan akhirnya pada suatu hari Tuhan terharu oleh keadaan perempuan yang setia dan teguh itu, lalu Ia memutuskan memberikan kpada perempuan itu sebuah pengecualian kpada dirinya. Tuhan bertanya kepadanya "Apakah kamu benar-benar bersedia menggunakan nyawamu sendiri untuk menukarnya?" . Si perempuan tanpa ragu sedikitpun menjawab "Ya".
Tuhan berkata "Baiklah, Aku bisa segera membuat kekasihmu sembuh kembali, namun kamu hrs berjanji menjelma menjadi kupu-kupu selama 3 tahun. Pertukaran seperti ini apakah kamu juga bersedia?". Si perempuan terharu setelah mendengarnya dan dengan jawaban yang pasti menjawab "saya bersedia!".
Hari telah terang. Si perempuan telah menjadi seekor kupu-kupu yang indah. Ia mohon Diri pada Tuhan lalu segera kembali ke rumah sakit. Hasilnya, lelaki itu benar-benar telah siuman bahkan ia sedang berbicara dengan seorg dokter. Namun sayang, ia tidak dapat mendengarnya sebab ia tak bisa masuk ke ruang itu.
Dengan di sekati oleh kaca, ia hanya bisa memandang dari jauh kekasihnya sendiri. Beberapa hari kemudian, sang lelaki telah sembuh. Namun ia sama sekali tidak bahagia. Ia mencari keberadaan sang perempuan pada setiap orang yang lewat, namun tidak ada yang tahu sebenarnya sang perempuan telah pergi kemana.
Sang lelaki sepanjang hari tidak makan dan istirahat terus mencari. Ia begitu rindu kepadanya, begitu inginnya bertemu dengan sang kekasih, namun sang perempuan Yang telah berubah menjadi kupu-kupu bukankah setiap saat selalu berputar di sampingnya? Hanya saja ia tidak bisa berteriak, tidak bisa memeluk.
Ia hanya bisa memandangnya secara diam-diam. Musim panas telah berakhir, angin musim gugur yang sejuk meniup jatuh daun pepohonan. Kupu-kupu mau tidak mau harus meninggalkan tempat tersebut lalu terakhir kali ia terbang dan hinggap di atas bahu sang lelaki.
Ia bermaksud menggunakan sayapnya yang kecil halus membelai wajahnya, menggunakan mulutnya yang kecil lembut mencium keningnya.
Namun tubuhnya yang kecil dan lemah benar-benar tidak boleh di ketahui olehnya, sebuah gelombang suara tangisan yang sedih hanya dapat di dengar oleh kupu-kupu itu sendiri dan mau tidak mau dengan berat hati ia meninggalkan kekasihnya, terbang ke arah yang jauh dengan membawa harapan.
Dalam sekejap telah tiba musim semi yang kedua, sang kupu-kupu dengan tidak sabarnya segera terbang kembali mencari kekasihny` yang lama di tinggalkannya. Namun di samping bayangan yang tak asing lagi ternyata telah berdiri seorang perempuan cantik. Dalam sekilas itu sang kupu-kupu nyaris jatuh dari angkasa.
Ia benar-benar tidak percaya dengan pemandangan di depan matanya sendiri. Lebih tidak percaya lagi dengan omongan yang dibicarakan banyak orang. Orang-orang selalu menceritakan ketika hari natal, betapa parah sakit sang lelaki. Melukiskan betapa baik dan manisnya dokter perempuan itu. Bahkan melukiskan betapa sudah sewajarnya percintaan mereka dan tentu saja juga melukiskan bahwa sang lelaki sudah bahagia seperti dulu kala .
Sang kupu-kupu sangat sedih. Beberapa hari berikutnya ia seringkali melihat kekasihnya sendiri membawa perempuan itu ke gunung memandang matahari terbit, menghantar matahari senja di pesisir pantai. Segala yang pernah di milikinya dahulu dalam sekejap tokoh utamanya telah berganti seorang perempuan lain sedangkan ia sendiri selain kadangkala bisa hinggap di atas bahunya, namun tidak dapat berbuat apa-apa.
Musim panas tahun ini sangat panjang, sang kupu-kupu setiap hari terbang rendah dengan tersiksa dan ia sudah tidak memiliki keberanian lagi untuk mendekati kekasihnya sendiri. Bisikan suara antara ia dengan perempuan itu, ia dan suara tawa bahagianya sudah cukup membuat hembusan napas dirinya berakhir, karenanya sebelum musim panas berakhir, sang kupu-kupu telah terbang berlalu. Bunga bersemi dan layu. Bunga layu dan bersemi lagi. Bagi seekor kupu-kupu waktu seolah-olah hanya menandakan semua ini.
Musim panas pada tahun ketiga, sang kupu-kupu sudah tidak sering lagi pergi mengunjungi kekasihnya sendiri. Sang lelaki bekas kekasihnya itu mendekap perlahan bahu si perempuan, mencium lembut wajah perempuannya sendiri. Sama sekali tidak punya waktu memperhatikan seekor kupu-kupu yang hancur hatinya apalagi mengingat masa lalu.
Tiga tahun perjanjian Tuhan dengan sang kupu-kupu sudah akan segera berakhir dan pada saat hari yang terakhir, kekasih si kupu-kupu melaksanakan pernikahan dengan perempuan itu.
Dalam kapel kecil telah dipenuhi orang-orang. Sang kupu-kupu secara diam-diam masuk ke dalam dan hinggap perlahan di atas pundak Tuhan. Ia mendengarkan sang kekasih yang berada dibawah berikrar di hadapan Tuhan dengan mengatakan "saya bersedia menikah dengannya!". Ia memandangi sang kekasih memakaikan cincin ke tangan perempuan itu, kemudian memandangi mereka berciuman dengan mesranya lalu mengalirlah air mata sedih sang kupu-kupu.
Dengan pedih hati Tuhan menarik napas "Apakah kamu menyesal?". Sang kupu-kupu mengeringkan air matanya "Tidak". Tuhan lalu berkata di sertai seberkas kegembiraan "Besok kamu sudah dapat kembali menjadi dirimu sendiri". Sang kupu-kupu menggeleng-gelengkan kepalanya "Biarkanlah aku menjadi kupu-kupu seumur hidup".
Ada beberapa kehilangan merupakan takdir. Ada beberapa pertemuan adalah yang tidak akan berakhir selamanya. Mencintai seseorang tidak mesti harus memiliki, namun memiliki seseorang maka harus baik-baik mencintainya.
Di sebuah kota kecil yang tenang dan indah, ada sepasang laki-laki dan perempuan yang saling mencintai. Mereka selalu bersama memandang matahari terbit di puncak gunung, bersama di pesisir pantai menghantar matahari senja. Setiap orang yang bertemu dengan mereka tidak bisa tidak akan menghantar dengan pandangan kagum dan doa bahagia. Mereka saling mengasihi satu sama lain Namun pada suatu hari, malang sang lelaki mengalami luka berat akibat sebuah kecelakaan.
Ia berbaring di atas ranjang pasien beberapa malam tidak sadarkan diri di rumah sakit. Siang hari sang perempuan menjaga di depan ranjang dan dengan tiada henti memanggil-memanggil kekasih yang tidak sadar sedikitpun.
Malamnya ia ke gereja kecil di kota tersebut dan tak lupa berdoa kepada Tuhan Agar kekasihnya selamat. Air matanya sendiri hampir kering karena menangis sepanjang hari.
Seminggu telah berlalu, sang lelaki tetap pingsan tertidur seperti dulu, sedangkan si perempuan telah berubah menjadi pucat pasi dan lesu tidak terkira, namun ia tetap dengan susah payah bertahan dan akhirnya pada suatu hari Tuhan terharu oleh keadaan perempuan yang setia dan teguh itu, lalu Ia memutuskan memberikan kpada perempuan itu sebuah pengecualian kpada dirinya. Tuhan bertanya kepadanya "Apakah kamu benar-benar bersedia menggunakan nyawamu sendiri untuk menukarnya?" . Si perempuan tanpa ragu sedikitpun menjawab "Ya".
Tuhan berkata "Baiklah, Aku bisa segera membuat kekasihmu sembuh kembali, namun kamu hrs berjanji menjelma menjadi kupu-kupu selama 3 tahun. Pertukaran seperti ini apakah kamu juga bersedia?". Si perempuan terharu setelah mendengarnya dan dengan jawaban yang pasti menjawab "saya bersedia!".
Hari telah terang. Si perempuan telah menjadi seekor kupu-kupu yang indah. Ia mohon Diri pada Tuhan lalu segera kembali ke rumah sakit. Hasilnya, lelaki itu benar-benar telah siuman bahkan ia sedang berbicara dengan seorg dokter. Namun sayang, ia tidak dapat mendengarnya sebab ia tak bisa masuk ke ruang itu.
Dengan di sekati oleh kaca, ia hanya bisa memandang dari jauh kekasihnya sendiri. Beberapa hari kemudian, sang lelaki telah sembuh. Namun ia sama sekali tidak bahagia. Ia mencari keberadaan sang perempuan pada setiap orang yang lewat, namun tidak ada yang tahu sebenarnya sang perempuan telah pergi kemana.
Sang lelaki sepanjang hari tidak makan dan istirahat terus mencari. Ia begitu rindu kepadanya, begitu inginnya bertemu dengan sang kekasih, namun sang perempuan Yang telah berubah menjadi kupu-kupu bukankah setiap saat selalu berputar di sampingnya? Hanya saja ia tidak bisa berteriak, tidak bisa memeluk.
Ia hanya bisa memandangnya secara diam-diam. Musim panas telah berakhir, angin musim gugur yang sejuk meniup jatuh daun pepohonan. Kupu-kupu mau tidak mau harus meninggalkan tempat tersebut lalu terakhir kali ia terbang dan hinggap di atas bahu sang lelaki.
Ia bermaksud menggunakan sayapnya yang kecil halus membelai wajahnya, menggunakan mulutnya yang kecil lembut mencium keningnya.
Namun tubuhnya yang kecil dan lemah benar-benar tidak boleh di ketahui olehnya, sebuah gelombang suara tangisan yang sedih hanya dapat di dengar oleh kupu-kupu itu sendiri dan mau tidak mau dengan berat hati ia meninggalkan kekasihnya, terbang ke arah yang jauh dengan membawa harapan.
Dalam sekejap telah tiba musim semi yang kedua, sang kupu-kupu dengan tidak sabarnya segera terbang kembali mencari kekasihny` yang lama di tinggalkannya. Namun di samping bayangan yang tak asing lagi ternyata telah berdiri seorang perempuan cantik. Dalam sekilas itu sang kupu-kupu nyaris jatuh dari angkasa.
Ia benar-benar tidak percaya dengan pemandangan di depan matanya sendiri. Lebih tidak percaya lagi dengan omongan yang dibicarakan banyak orang. Orang-orang selalu menceritakan ketika hari natal, betapa parah sakit sang lelaki. Melukiskan betapa baik dan manisnya dokter perempuan itu. Bahkan melukiskan betapa sudah sewajarnya percintaan mereka dan tentu saja juga melukiskan bahwa sang lelaki sudah bahagia seperti dulu kala .
Sang kupu-kupu sangat sedih. Beberapa hari berikutnya ia seringkali melihat kekasihnya sendiri membawa perempuan itu ke gunung memandang matahari terbit, menghantar matahari senja di pesisir pantai. Segala yang pernah di milikinya dahulu dalam sekejap tokoh utamanya telah berganti seorang perempuan lain sedangkan ia sendiri selain kadangkala bisa hinggap di atas bahunya, namun tidak dapat berbuat apa-apa.
Musim panas tahun ini sangat panjang, sang kupu-kupu setiap hari terbang rendah dengan tersiksa dan ia sudah tidak memiliki keberanian lagi untuk mendekati kekasihnya sendiri. Bisikan suara antara ia dengan perempuan itu, ia dan suara tawa bahagianya sudah cukup membuat hembusan napas dirinya berakhir, karenanya sebelum musim panas berakhir, sang kupu-kupu telah terbang berlalu. Bunga bersemi dan layu. Bunga layu dan bersemi lagi. Bagi seekor kupu-kupu waktu seolah-olah hanya menandakan semua ini.
Musim panas pada tahun ketiga, sang kupu-kupu sudah tidak sering lagi pergi mengunjungi kekasihnya sendiri. Sang lelaki bekas kekasihnya itu mendekap perlahan bahu si perempuan, mencium lembut wajah perempuannya sendiri. Sama sekali tidak punya waktu memperhatikan seekor kupu-kupu yang hancur hatinya apalagi mengingat masa lalu.
Tiga tahun perjanjian Tuhan dengan sang kupu-kupu sudah akan segera berakhir dan pada saat hari yang terakhir, kekasih si kupu-kupu melaksanakan pernikahan dengan perempuan itu.
Dalam kapel kecil telah dipenuhi orang-orang. Sang kupu-kupu secara diam-diam masuk ke dalam dan hinggap perlahan di atas pundak Tuhan. Ia mendengarkan sang kekasih yang berada dibawah berikrar di hadapan Tuhan dengan mengatakan "saya bersedia menikah dengannya!". Ia memandangi sang kekasih memakaikan cincin ke tangan perempuan itu, kemudian memandangi mereka berciuman dengan mesranya lalu mengalirlah air mata sedih sang kupu-kupu.
Dengan pedih hati Tuhan menarik napas "Apakah kamu menyesal?". Sang kupu-kupu mengeringkan air matanya "Tidak". Tuhan lalu berkata di sertai seberkas kegembiraan "Besok kamu sudah dapat kembali menjadi dirimu sendiri". Sang kupu-kupu menggeleng-gelengkan kepalanya "Biarkanlah aku menjadi kupu-kupu seumur hidup".
Ada beberapa kehilangan merupakan takdir. Ada beberapa pertemuan adalah yang tidak akan berakhir selamanya. Mencintai seseorang tidak mesti harus memiliki, namun memiliki seseorang maka harus baik-baik mencintainya.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
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