“Things do not change; we change“ - Anthony Robbins -
The way we feel and what we experience in our body comes from what we focus our attention upon during a given moment. And at any moment, we are “deleting” most of what is going on around us. That is, to feel bad, we have to delete (not focus on, not think about) everything that’s great in our life. And vice versa. For us to feel good, we have to delete the things we could feel bad about. This process of deleting is an important part of how the mind maintains the balance in one’s emotional state. Undirected, however, it can wreak havoc in our day-to-day experience.
Here’s a fun little experiment:
Take a few seconds and look around you, noticing and focusing on everything you see that is blue. Just look around and notice everything that is blue. Now close your eyes, and tell me everything you noticed that is green.Threw you a bit of a curve ball there, didn’t I? If you are like most folks, you were expecting me to ask you to name everything that was blue. Instead I asked for something different from which you had focused on.
Here’s an interesting fact from the world of race car driving:
As I understand it, when new drivers are learning how to race, one of the first things they’re taught is what to focus on when they go into a spin. The natural tendency is for them to focus on the wall they’re trying to avoid hitting - and they usually end up hitting the wall. They are taught instead not to focus on the wall, but on where they want to go. In this way, they have a better chance of avoiding the wall and successfully getting out of the spin.
The exercise and story both point to the incredible Power of Focus in our lives. Wherever we place our focus, the rest of our mind and emotions will follow.
So, in order to manage our states, there are two things we can control with respect to focus. And when we change either of these, we immediately change how we feel.
1. What we’re picturing in our mind
2. How we’re picturing it (e.g., dimension, brightness of mental pictures, etc.)
At this moment, how we’re evaluating things determines what we focus on. The problem is, this focus is usually not conscious focus, it’s automatic focus. We unconsciously focus on something we don’t want, and then when we get it we feel like a victim and don’t even stop to think that we created it in the first place.
And what is more, we don’t realize we could choose to create something completely different if we could only get out of the cycle of unconsciously focusing on something other than what we want.
If you have a significant negative emotional experience (say, for instance, a relationship in which you are abused or mistreated in some way), a part of you is going to say: “Okay, I get it. There are people out there who can and will hurt me. Relationships can be dangerous and painful. I have to watch out for these people [or sometimes, relationships in general] and avoid them.”
Unfortunately, to watch out for them and avoid them, you have to focus your mind on “people who could hurt me,” or “bad relationships,” and that focus draws more of what you don’t want to you… AND… actually makes these things you don’t want (at least initially) attractive to you, so when they appear in your life you are drawn to them.
This is why many people keep having one relationship after another with the same person, but in different bodies.
This, of course, applies to everything, not just relationships. I’m just using relationships as an example.
Focusing on what you do not want, ironically, makes it happen.
Focusing on not being poor makes you poor.
Focusing on not making mistakes causes you to make mistakes.
Focusing on not having a bad relationship creates bad relationships.
Focusing on not being depressed makes you depressed.
Focusing on not smoking makes you want to smoke.
And so on… I think you get the idea.
The truth is, your mind cannot tell the difference between something you think about or focus on that you DO want, and something you think about or focus on but do NOT want. Evaluations are nothing but questions we ask ourselves. And our state-and ultimately, our life-are the result of the questions we ask.
So in order to manage our states via focus, we must control the questions we ask ourselves. Here is how we can do this:
1. By eliminating limiting, “endless loop” questions.
2. By continually asking ourselves questions that empower us. You can use Anthony Robbins’s Morning Questions from Personal Power II program:
1. What am I happy about in my life now?
What about that makes me happy?
How does that make me feel?
2. What am I excited about in my life now?
What about that makes me excited?
How does that make me feel?
3. What am I proud about in my life now?
What about that makes me proud?
How does that make me feel?
4. What am I grateful about in my life now?
What about that makes me grateful?
How does that make me feel?
5. What am I enjoying most in my life right now?
What about that do I enjoy?
How does that make me feel?
6. What am I committed to in my life now?
What about that makes me committed?
How does that make me feel?
7. Who do I love? Who loves me?
What about that makes me loving?
How does that make me feel?
Every morning ask yourself these questions and come up with at least two answers for each of them. To answer this questions (even to just internally process the questions), you have to shift your focus from whatever your mind was focused on. This means that to change your focus, all you have to do is… ask yourself a question!
Then, your mind takes over and answers the question… solves the problem… and creates what you want. You just have to provide the focus, take whatever action presents itself, and be persistent.
By the way be cautious, your mind will find an answer to any question you give it, including dis-empowering questions. Learn to say “How can I…?” when you don’t know what to do, instead of “I can’t,” and the universe will send you the answer, every time. Learn to be conscious in what you focus on and your whole life will change.
Even Napoleon Hill, the man who spent over 60 years studying the most effective and most successful people of the 20th century, concluded that - without exception, mind you:
“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”
And remember, it will take some time to learn how to consciously focus your mind. It will require some effort. You will fail many times, and it will seem difficult, but at a certain point you will “get it” and at that point it will become as automatic as the unconscious focusing you have been doing.
Stay Focused!
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