Hypnotized badly

This evening…the foolest thing has already happened in my life…
I swear I never faced this worst experience as today`s, although the key is in me and it all depends on how I keep my principle, but I failed to put myself well, just lost my own decision and wisdom. I just fell down in a tricky situation, and as if hypnotized by someone, typically an ordinary man, and I was trapped by the way he treated me, and the way he acts.
At this moment, there are 10 things I just realized after these all happened :
Serasa baru terkena hipnotis : seseorang telah membuat gue terhipnotis. Swear. I`m a stubborn and strict soal waktu dan janji. Tapi tadi sore, tepatnya Pk 15.30 I met him, tanpa direncana, nomor handphonenya pun sudah gue musnahkan, karena dia sudah terlalu sering ingkar janji. Again, gue kalah, dan dia ajak pergi, sedikit memaksa, dia janji Pk 17.00 akan siap untuk pergi bareng gue. I told him that I have already set appointment with one of my friend at 18.00, and he said that he will join us if I don’t mind, we make a deal, but what has happened was we met at Pk 17.30 and the traffic jam was crazily like a flood ( Jakarta? As I know already…), and gue menuruti dia….seperti robot dungu tak berdaya. He is just an ordinary man, not quite cute, not even handsome, but he has a charming eyes and faces, and the way he smiles shows something special from himself. Sepanjang jalan : garink, we had nothing to talk, to discuss, but it was just a “rubbish” topic, well the fact is we don’t know and we don’t even build a friendship, but it`s just because we always suddenly meet in the lift, in the office gate, or in the door of my office room. Ugh, I got my headache when I tried to remember what happened this evening. I was a foolest girl in whole of earth, being trapped by a strange man I don’t even know him. He drove my car and we went to the location of my appointment with my friend, suddenly his boss called him and he had to go back to office as soon as possible. Yang gue nggak habis pikir adalah at that time udah di depan gedung itu dan gue dengan baik hatinya dan berhati seputih salju, said like this to him : “…ya sudah, kita balik aja ke kantor, entar biar aku balik lagi sendiri ke sini…”…and he agreed, oh man, thank the world, how could he easily agree what I just told him, ini mungkin basa basi palsu dari mulut gue (gue pun nggak mengerti dengan pasti). Jarak dari kantor ke gedung yang sudah kita datangi itu cukup jauh, butuh 45 menit – 1 jam untuk bisa tiba, secara pada waktu itu Pk 18.00 (Oh gosh, my appointment was at Pk 18.00) dan gue sudah mencancel tempat awal appointment gue, dan temen gue agreed, then gue mencancel time schedule untuk kita bertemu from Pk 18.00 become to Pk 19.30. unfortunately, temen gue called gue dan bilang untuk cancel pertemuan kita. I felt like in disaster of mind, how could I neglect my own need and my own business for the sake of this ordinary man? Dan kita kembali ke kantor, dia turun dari mobil, and not so big apologized to me. Shit. I kept smiling to him (could you believe it), me, a tough girl at a time became so weak and not having my principle anymore. Well, it`s all over, I promised I won`t ever contact him anymore. He just would be my part of my nightmare and I won`t keep him at my memory ( I wish I could!).
Without my consideration, I am so used to doing mashocism error to myself, and keep doing it all the time, though I know it`s totally wrong but I still did it, then the same pattern will happen : I regret, I feel guilty to myself, and I hate the one who trapped me in that situation. I blame him/ her, and I promised myself not ever contact him / her anymore. Silly? Yes. I admit it. But I don’t really know for sure how I should cope with this kind of pattern. We can call it a evil cycle, a cycle repeated for several times, though in the past it already known as a mistaking action.
I have to be more sophisticated!
Next time, must be stronger and not too easy to be irritated.
I forgive myself. Sorry, dear. I didn’t mean it. It was just an accident. Won`t ever do this anymore! I promise!
Goodbye to this ordinary man! No way and no chance anymore. It`s all enough and never consider to put you in my mind or my heart. What a messy experience.
I need to calm myself down. Oh it`s not that easy you know.
Never play with your heart with a strange man.
Just choose those who deserve your kindhearted and your friendship.
Please be careful with another series of hypnotized from a strange man!