Feeling Unsecure vs Secure

Oh Jizz..
By accident. Erm…but mostly happen.
“Feeling secure when see other`s feeling not so secure” has always happened to my life.
Oh damn shit! It`s very very bad ass…and sometimes I cant even believe that freak person is me. Oh. So…I have to stop thinking that I`m the best of all when others have their weakness. I can be the best of me, without related to other`s goodness. But, it always happens all the time.

This morning…I saw her, so gorgeous and I found myself captivated that he`s such a perfect girl. Perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect slim body, perfect appeareance, and perfect worst is that she`s kind of a perfect lover to earth.

2 years ago, the cases also happened. I keep comparing myself with a girl, genius, the best student of the year, exelent in every point of view to see her. Win a great man, handsome, clever, and kindhearted (of course) and they have the same religion too. So perfect, for all of girl on this earth.

So jealous…
Every time
I hear
I see
I remember
I imagine

A perfect girl with a perfect family…
Perfect soulmate
Perfect future
Perfect carreer
Perfect happiness
Perfect love…
Perfect self esteem
Perfect confidence…

But,
The truth told us that
Nobody`s perfect…

It`s just a matter of the way I see world, I see my environment.
Could I stop comparing my own life with other`s life?
I should and I must!

Some of my best friends, lets say, Mr.Wise guy (Rob), and My Solo Partner (Po & Xen), yeah they always remind me that I`m a loveable girl and loveable friend. And then, my MLM uplines…Win&Bun. What a lucky life to know them when I suddenly lose my confidence and my way to be a good person.
I`m so happy at that time. That I don’t need to worry my life goin to be so unspecial anymore…cause I have that flower garden in my heart and soul.
ada juga sahabat gue, beda ras, tapi perbedaan sisi lainnya, yaitu the way he see life, yang selalu motivated gue. yeah....a perfect hearted for Aceh volunter yang gue kenal by accident, tapi till now menjadi salah satu orang terpenting yang help me to survive my life. sms dan cognitive therapy ala Beck, Aaron membuat dia jadi so so special. huh. To all my best friends...maafkan....kenapa gue masih aja nggak menikmati hidup walaupun sudah tau ada kalian in my life :P
The last but extraordinary inspiring me is my lovely brother. Yes! He`s my man. Today I read his e-mail and it boosted my esteem for this chance and thank you so much. I don’t know how to be a more thankful girl.

Nah…ini emailnya….actually it`s personal email, tapi for anybody who can read this, entah karena mampir ke blogger ini. It`s your luck to read this.
On 2 nd December 2005, my lovely brother wrote :
".....bagus may itu baru ade gue,harus tough eiiicowo tai tuhh, ngomongin cxantik en kaya itu ngak bagus di depan seorang wanita,tuh cowo mah ngak kepake lah, uda cari yg laen, sekarang gue kasih tau cara untuk buktiin luh tough, mulais ekarang pas dia kirim email, luh ngak usa bales dengan ramah, pendek en singkat aja, terus kalo telp, kalo dianya ngak ngak nanya or ngomong, luh ngak suka cari bahan pembicaraan macem macem, diem aja, entar juga dianya udahankalo diajaka pergi yah kadang kadang boleh, sih tapi kalo dia eman ngak terlalu perduli sama luh, cuman sama sms nya, luh juga keluarin hp luh en sms aja, bales,en biar dia merasa kan apa yg namanya dicuekin
yah uda jalanin hidup yg enak aja man, kerjaan mah pasti bikin stress en ngeselin, tapi itulah yginterestin dalam manusia berkarir, kalo ngak ada kesulitan en masalah,manusia hidup sia sia, justru masalah itu kita coba beresin, en selesaikan, kalo uda terpecahkan luh bakal merasakan nikmatnya hidup kita ini....."