Battlee

Recently, my head was full of many confusing questions regarding to my life and my future. I`ve been asking myself many questions, what I want for my life, what I need for preparing my future, and what kind of job I really need. Last year I didn’t think too much about money. I just wanted to do what I like at that time. Now at this moment, a fact has come to me, that I need money and certain life support. Yes, I can`t deny that I need more money as my current salary couldn’t be an enough incoming anymore.
My life. I sometimes lose my way of life. I don’t understand what to do for my life. I dream to be a great lady, do many good things, and to write a lot of bestseller book that comes to a pride for me and my family. That`s what I want, then I found that it`s not as easy as what I thought. It`s not easy to be a great lady when life`s so complicated, and writing requires me to be a highdedicated person. I haven’t reached that stage. I`m still busy for facing variety of situation, problems, and facts, spending many times and energy to survive from these problems. I won`t ever know what`s gonna happen tomorrow, or even tonight right before I go to bed.
My future seems so unclear when I found many uncertain things here in front of my face. It`s not as simple as what I imagined to find a great job. I need a job I like with the beneficial salary. Sounds perfect, right? Sounds I don’t know how to be a thankful person, do I? This is the truth that`s happening to my life now. I must move on soon or a “disaster” will occur in my mind and my psychological battle.

women...

I`m gonna change this world with my way of thinking and my love to this wild world.
I`ve been falling in love with women`s world, gender studies, and also unfairness happening between man and woman since 10 years ago. I need more knowledge about women studies that can help me answer many unsolved problems about women`s life. But no certain answer or source I can find. Why should a woman be a victim of her own marriage? She`s been dumped by her husband though she`s dedicated all her life for the bond of man and woman. A woman can only accept her destiny when she found that her husband doesn’t want her anymore, but prefer choosing another woman. This situation isn’t this simple to solve. Woman looks for the other way, trying to believe in her God, looking forward to a change, miracle for her life, and she never stops wishing that everything`s gonna be fine someday.
An opportunity to study this problem in a qualified USA university would be a precious way to open a new view to change or may be fix this women`s problem. Research related to women`s study has come from USA and limit of research in Indonesia might be a big answer why it`s not easy to solve women`s problem. So many problem occur here, but so little source and solution to find here. One by one of woman will just sit silently in their hidden room, hope to find a better life and fairness.
I`m interested in problem and study related to woman life, feminity, and gender studies. I`m confident that my psychology knowledge I got from my bachelor degree will support my vision to develop women`s life. Many experiences and real cases I`ve found regarding to women`s problem, polygamy, divorce, abusement to women, and unfairness that happened to women. I have many chances to see the truth that many people haven’t appreciated much about woman and just decide as if nothing bad has happened to those helpless women.

I want to be Free

"kalo dia mah memang selalu begitu...ikut-ikutan ajah..."
well...
what a words and what a day of mine.
may be apa kata konselor gue bener kali yah...
there`s something wrong with my self esteem...
Ada saat I`m sick of these all.
Ada saat Gue merasa berat untuk ninggalin semua ini.
Something yang tidak kekal dan hanya memuaskan sesaat saja.
Saat semuanya menjadi dingin.
Di saat semuanya menjadi kaku.
Gue hanya bisa terdiam pasi.
I want to be free...